YOU EITHER GET IT OR YOU DONT

ryan · ryan

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Whee...

ryan · ryan

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job. 16. I t...

cadillacman · cadillacman

its a bit late, but way funny

stevie · stevie

Decided to rob a bank tomorrow. Im gonna wear a big clown nose, a clown wig and makeup. Im also gonna wear a thong and nipple tassles. Im gonna be carryin a goat with a dildo up its @rse and a tin of dulux. When im in the bank im gonna get the goat to suck me off, and chuck paint all over the walls shoutin &quo...

stevie · stevie

Bought meself a new deodarant today. The instructions said "take off top and push up bottom" I was in casualty for fookin ages.....

ryan · ryan

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b...

stevie · stevie

A young girl went for a job at the "Tickle me Elmo" factory. She was shown around and she seemed keen enough so she started immediately. After a couple of hours a member of the packing staff came into the foremans office and complained the girl was holding up proceedings. The foreman was...

chucky · chucky

Pedigree chum are the latest victims of the credit crunch........ They've called in the retrievers!

ryan · ryan

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it a...

ryan · ryan

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, &qu...

ryan · ryan

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The bl...

ANIMAL · ANIMAL

WENT INTO A PUB TODAY AND ASKED FOR SOMETHING COLD,TALL AND FULL OF GIN HE INTRODUCED HIS WIFE TO ME

stevie · stevie

Q. What is worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A. A woman that won't do as she is told. Q. How many men does it take to open a beer? A. None. It should be opened when she brings it to you. Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A. Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably n...

cadillacman · cadillacman

Just a few new ones, please add more to the list John McCain - Insane Davina McCalls - Balls Adam and the Ants - Pants Alan Whickers - Knickers Andy McNab - Cab Anthea Turner - Earner Arthur Ash - Slash Ayrton Senna - Tenner Kate Moss - Toss Barry White - ****e Bill Murray - Curry Miley Cyrus - Virus Boutros Ga...

cadillacman · cadillacman

A magazine top 10 of the most painful things women have to endure says No1 is having your nipples clamped. Surely having them towed away is worse?

cadillacman · cadillacman

Poor old Michael Jackson's got to now live the life of a Scooby Doo villain. Hanging around an abandoned funfair wearing a plastic face. "Those pesky kids!"

cadillacman · cadillacman

A man walked into a shop and said, "i'd like a KitKat chunky, please? " The lady behind the counter pickes one up and hands it across to him "55p please" "NO ," say the man " I wanted a normal size Kitkat " Fatty.

chucky · chucky

A man was talking to his mate about his problamatic marriage, "things are bad at home" he says, "she's fed up with me, football, darts, cars, the odd bit of betting - she wont accept any of it". "Anyway, i booked us up a table for 2 last night at 8pm to make ammends, by 9pm things...

ryan · ryan

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leavin...

ryan · ryan

A blonde was sitting outside a store on the curb crying..the manager of the store spotted her outside and went outside and asked the blonde whats wrongshe said her mother just died..and the manager said oh Im sorry.. the blondes cell phone starts to ring and she answers it and says hello..omg! are you s...

ryan · ryan

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Her...

cadillacman · cadillacman

A divorced man meets his ex-wife new boyfriend at a party. Later on after knocking back a few drinks he goes over to the man and says " So how do you like second hand goods then? " The new boyfriend replies, "Not bad, not bad in fact after the first 5 inches its all brand new"

chucky · chucky

Jim stops at a garage to put some air in his tyres. He goes into the shop and asks the cashier for a token for the machine. "certainly, that'll be £5.00 please" says the attendant. "£5!" shouts Jim, "thats a bloody rip off!" "sorry mate", the attendant rep...

ryan · ryan

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for th...

ryan · ryan

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father re...

50p · 50p

a man walks into a pub with a frog on his head and the barman says where did u get that form and the frog says it started off as a wart on my arse

50p · 50p

one day this lorry driver was motoring along a contry road and he saw a priest walking along the grass verge so he stoped to see if he wanted a lift 'where are u going farther' he asked him 'to the church 5 miles down the road' the priest replied 'ok farther hop in' so the priest climbed into the passange...

cadillacman · cadillacman

from all bad shops........................ -- Edited by cadillacman at 20:10, 2008-12-10

cadillacman · cadillacman

Fiz · Fiz

Ten Commandments For the Car Collector 1. Thou shalt not read thy Hemmings on company time, lest thy employer make it impossible to continue thy car payments. 2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's car nor his garage, nor his battery charger. 3. Thou shalt not store thy car out-of-d...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Soldier stands guard (Preview) A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Whee...	ryan	1	292	Jan 16, 2009 by dell
	Don't say this to a cop (Preview) The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job. 16. I t...	ryan	0	211	Jan 14, 2009 by ryan
	I know what you did last Christmas! (Preview) its a bit late, but way funny	cadillacman	0	221	Jan 11, 2009 by cadillacman
	Bank job (Preview) Decided to rob a bank tomorrow. Im gonna wear a big clown nose, a clown wig and makeup. Im also gonna wear a thong and nipple tassles. Im gonna be carryin a goat with a dildo up its @rse and a tin of dulux. When im in the bank im gonna get the goat to suck me off, and chuck paint all over the walls shoutin &quo...	stevie	0	221	Jan 10, 2009 by stevie
	Bl00dy deodarant (Preview) Bought meself a new deodarant today. The instructions said "take off top and push up bottom" I was in casualty for fookin ages.....	stevie	0	213	Jan 10, 2009 by stevie
	Electric Train (Preview) A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b...	ryan	1	231	Jan 10, 2009 by Austincrazy
	Elmo (Preview) A young girl went for a job at the "Tickle me Elmo" factory. She was shown around and she seemed keen enough so she started immediately. After a couple of hours a member of the packing staff came into the foremans office and complained the girl was holding up proceedings. The foreman was...	stevie	1	203	Jan 10, 2009 by Austincrazy
	credit crunch (Preview) Pedigree chum are the latest victims of the credit crunch........ They've called in the retrievers!	chucky	0	236	Jan 9, 2009 by chucky
	Criminal Mastermind (Preview) An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it a...	ryan	0	208	Jan 3, 2009 by ryan
	A Fisherman's Tale (Preview) Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, &qu...	ryan	0	218	Jan 3, 2009 by ryan
	Blonde paint job (Preview) A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The bl...	ryan	0	196	Jan 3, 2009 by ryan
	WHAT A LANDLORD (Preview) WENT INTO A PUB TODAY AND ASKED FOR SOMETHING COLD,TALL AND FULL OF GIN HE INTRODUCED HIS WIFE TO ME	ANIMAL	0	214	Jan 2, 2009 by ANIMAL
	Male chauvanist pig faq's (Preview) Q. What is worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A. A woman that won't do as she is told. Q. How many men does it take to open a beer? A. None. It should be opened when she brings it to you. Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A. Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably n...	stevie	1	280	Jan 1, 2009 by chucky
	**ney rhyming (Preview) Just a few new ones, please add more to the list John McCain - Insane Davina McCalls - Balls Adam and the Ants - Pants Alan Whickers - Knickers Andy McNab - Cab Anthea Turner - Earner Arthur Ash - Slash Ayrton Senna - Tenner Kate Moss - Toss Barry White - **e Bill Murray - Curry Miley Cyrus - Virus Boutros Ga...	cadillacman	0	218	Dec 25, 2008 by cadillacman
	Nip in the air? (Preview) A magazine top 10 of the most painful things women have to endure says No1 is having your nipples clamped. Surely having them towed away is worse?	cadillacman	0	198	Dec 24, 2008 by cadillacman
	Michael jackson (Preview) Poor old Michael Jackson's got to now live the life of a Scooby Doo villain. Hanging around an abandoned funfair wearing a plastic face. "Those pesky kids!"	cadillacman	0	211	Dec 24, 2008 by cadillacman
	Kit kat?? (Preview) A man walked into a shop and said, "i'd like a KitKat chunky, please? " The lady behind the counter pickes one up and hands it across to him "55p please" "NO ," say the man " I wanted a normal size Kitkat " Fatty.	cadillacman	1	244	Dec 15, 2008 by stevie
	playing games with the other half (Preview) A man was talking to his mate about his problamatic marriage, "things are bad at home" he says, "she's fed up with me, football, darts, cars, the odd bit of betting - she wont accept any of it". "Anyway, i booked us up a table for 2 last night at 8pm to make ammends, by 9pm things...	chucky	2	334	Dec 14, 2008 by ryan
	lipstick (Preview) According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leavin...	ryan	2	236	Dec 13, 2008 by ryan
	Mum Died (Preview) A blonde was sitting outside a store on the curb crying..the manager of the store spotted her outside and went outside and asked the blonde whats wrongshe said her mother just died..and the manager said oh Im sorry.. the blondes cell phone starts to ring and she answers it and says hello..omg! are you s...	ryan	0	238	Dec 13, 2008 by ryan
	A Really Bad Day (Preview) There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Her...	ryan	0	252	Dec 13, 2008 by ryan
	Second Hand Goods (Preview) A divorced man meets his ex-wife new boyfriend at a party. Later on after knocking back a few drinks he goes over to the man and says " So how do you like second hand goods then? " The new boyfriend replies, "Not bad, not bad in fact after the first 5 inches its all brand new"	cadillacman	0	225	Dec 12, 2008 by cadillacman
	Tyred (Preview) Jim stops at a garage to put some air in his tyres. He goes into the shop and asks the cashier for a token for the machine. "certainly, that'll be £5.00 please" says the attendant. "£5!" shouts Jim, "thats a bloody rip off!" "sorry mate", the attendant rep...	chucky	0	254	Dec 12, 2008 by chucky
	Only 3 Doors (Preview) An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for th...	ryan	1	239	Dec 12, 2008 by chucky
	A Child's Prayer (Preview) One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father re...	ryan	0	188	Dec 12, 2008 by ryan
	a man walks into a pub (Preview) a man walks into a pub with a frog on his head and the barman says where did u get that form and the frog says it started off as a wart on my arse	50p	1	267	Dec 12, 2008 by ryan
	lawyer (Preview) one day this lorry driver was motoring along a contry road and he saw a priest walking along the grass verge so he stoped to see if he wanted a lift 'where are u going farther' he asked him 'to the church 5 miles down the road' the priest replied 'ok farther hop in' so the priest climbed into the passange...	50p	3	311	Dec 12, 2008 by ryan
	Shannon Mathews Commemorative Plate - a must for Xmas!! (Preview) from all bad shops........................ -- Edited by cadillacman at 20:10, 2008-12-10	cadillacman	0	226	Dec 10, 2008 by cadillacman
	Isnt this the Guy? (Preview)	cadillacman	2	278	Nov 22, 2008 by cadillacman
	Ten Commandments For the Car Collector (Preview) Ten Commandments For the Car Collector 1. Thou shalt not read thy Hemmings on company time, lest thy employer make it impossible to continue thy car payments. 2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's car nor his garage, nor his battery charger. 3. Thou shalt not store thy car out-of-d...	Fiz	1	289	Nov 22, 2008 by cadillacman
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