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oh!yes
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sorry didnt work!!! -- Edited by ANIMAL on Monday 21st of September 2009 08:49:24 PM
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ANIMAL
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272
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A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again...
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A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard...
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Fiz
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234
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BEST JOB IN THE WORLD..
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My job is so friggin' unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely sel...
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Hollywood
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303
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Unusual Funeral Procession
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A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee, when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit-bull on a leash....
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257
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Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch...
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On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch
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Fiz
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4
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464
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daft dog 1
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Q: where do you find a dog with no legs? - wait ...... - here it comes ......... - don't hit me please! .............. A: ....... where you left him/her/it !
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voguesteve
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285
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Very Brave man jokes
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VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES --- How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're...
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cadillacman
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238
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breakfast
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My sister and me are in bed ( different ones its not that kind of joke) My sister goes down for breakfast. My mum asks what would you like for breakfast dear, to which my sister replies " a f*ckin boiled egg" My dad grabs her by the neck and kicks her across the floor , there is blood and guts everyw...
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problem child
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206
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whoa girl
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One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he not...
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problem child
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221
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english irish and scot
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english , Irish and scots men talking about how they woo their wives. English man: when I have breakfast with my wife I always say pass me the honey , honey Scots man: When I have breakfast with ma missus I always say pass me the suger, suger Paddy is having a panic attack and has to think quickly...........
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problem child
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220
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New Ferrari Pit Crew
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The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentar...
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Fiz
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292
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in the toilet
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The other day i needed the toilet so went in the public toilet ,sat down for a s##t . A voice came from the cubicle next to me .....hello mate how you doing? although i thought it a bit strange i didnt want to be rude so i said "not bad thanks" after a short pause i heard the voice again "so wh...
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ANIMAL
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262
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bus stop
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HONESTLY!!!!! some people will take offence at anything! i met a bloke with no legs at the bus stop this morning and all i said was........... how u gettin on then
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problem child
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208
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Trouble Starting??????????
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try Wynns Startup Additive .......... check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY1YndLmbXQ
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voguesteve
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197
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Some pictures that make me smile !
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Why women should not ride bikes ! [IMG]https://i33.photobuc...
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Tony2000
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4
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299
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True Story or what?
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True Story? A woman is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road in the opposite direction.As they pass each other, the man leans out the window and yells "PIG!!" The woman immediately leans out her window and yells "JERK!!" They each continue on their way. As t...
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voguesteve
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1
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276
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TEACHING MATHS!!
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Teaching maths in 1970 1. A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 80% of the price. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1990 A logger se...
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Hollywood
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232
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holiday
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Good News for the adventurous tourists who want something different ......you can now book an AIR FRANCE tour to see the Titanic
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ANIMAL
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2
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269
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school play
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boy gets home from school and says to his dad .....DAD i've got a part in the school play i'm playing a man thats been married for 20yrs dad replies never mind son perhaps next year you will get a speaking part
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ANIMAL
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Yesterday I was at the local supermarket...
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Yesterday I was at the local supermarket. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ... So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He simply ignored me and continued writing the t...
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Fiz
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275
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General Motors vs. Microsoft
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In respons...
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Fiz
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0
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252
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I went to a couple of car dealerships last week...
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I went to a couple of car dealerships last week. At first I stopped at was Kia. Well nothing caught my eye, but the price was right. Then I went to a Ford dealer. I didn't really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes in the trunk. At last I went to the Chevy dealer. Well I see one that I like...
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Fiz
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228
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thought for the day
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Who picks up guide dog s h i t?
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chucky
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A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets...
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He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the...
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Fiz
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3
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262
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How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
(Preview)
... just 2 if you slice them very thinly!!
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Fiz
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3
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272
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Woman
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes nothing you told her twice
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meadors71nova
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0
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241
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whats in a name?
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Met this girl the other night. She said "my names Angel Love" "thats a nice name" i replied. she said "it represents all the things i like in life, angels and love" "whats your name"? "Steve Titsanbeer"......
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stevie
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5
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302
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racist americans
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i was watchin a speach by barrak obama and america is so racist that had to put bullet proof glass around..................i mean come on just coz hes black dosnt mean he is gonna shoot anybody
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problem child
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8
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519
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Ive never had any luck with women
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Every time i tried a chat up line here's what i got ME: Can I buy you a drink? SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.. ME: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.. SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.. ME:Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE...
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stevie
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4
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316
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a lion a bear and a pig
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a lion a bear and a pig are having a competion about whos the hardest the lion says when i roar the whole jungle shakes the bear says when i roar the whole forest shakes the pig says and all i have to do is sneeze and the whole world ****s itself
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problem child
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