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Its in the genes
(Preview)
On the first day of primary school the teacher asks everyone to count to 50, some count as high as 30 or 40, others cant get past 20. But Wayne counts up to 100 without any mistakes, when Wayne gets home and tells his dad how well he did his dad says "thats because you're an Aussie son." The next day, th...
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chucky
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0
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207
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Long way to go for water
(Preview)
A man walks through the sahara desert desperate for water, when he sees something in the distance, he walks towards it only to find a little old man sitting at a table with a bunch of neckties laid out, the man asks "please, i am dying of thirst can i have some water?" The little old man replies "i dont have a...
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chucky
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0
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208
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Me aged 17!!
(Preview)
I put this under jokes as my size weight and hair cut are a joke!!! I found this pic at my Mums over Xmas. Psycobilly in 1986 and according to the back of the photo I was getting ready to see King Kurt.
-- E...
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Mr POPular
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4
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280
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Kinky
(Preview)
Ann and Joe having a country walk and Ann say's "i need a pi$s", and then goes and squats behind a bush, Joe hears her zip undo then her knickers came down and feeling a bit kinky puts his hand between her legs and feels something hanging, "Ann have you changed sex?" "no" she replies, "i've changed m...
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chucky
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0
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221
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Pork pie
(Preview)
Why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny?
Because you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meat 
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chucky
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0
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239
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Essex girl
(Preview)
Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend say's "how dare you call me a slapper!", get out of my bed... and take all your mates with you!"
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chucky
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6
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281
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WELSH DRIVING TEST
(Preview)
Welsh boy on his driving test.the examiner says "can you make a u-turn(ewe-turn).He says no but i can make its eyes water!!!!
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tailfin
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0
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217
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pregnant
(Preview)
a girl came back from holiday and confided in her mum that she'd become pregnant."Have you had a check up?" her mum asked ."No",the daughter replied."I think he was hungarian".
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bod
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0
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245
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Gone fishing.
(Preview)
This one was sent to me by a very straight laced tax inspector from Norfolk.
A man says to his wife "Get ready, me, you and the dog are going fishing"
Wife says: "I don't want to go"
Man gives her 3 choices: fishing , blow job or take it up the ars3. Wife picks blow job, after a while...
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Fi
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0
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169
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History Lesson
(Preview)
Not a joke, just for everyone's amusement.
See how many more faces you remember (one for the old gits)
BTW you need the sound on!
http://usaattacked.com/100_years_of_pictures.htm
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Terraplane Toots
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0
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196
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Parachute jump
(Preview)
paddy was in the pub telling his mate about his first parachute jump when he was in the army, he said "we were about 30.000 feet up and 1 by 1 they started to jump, it came to my turn and i could'nt jump, no way", then this big coloured guy pulled out his 12 inch **** and said if i didnt jump he would stick it up my a...
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chucky
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0
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220
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murphy gets lucky
(Preview)
murphy calls round to see his mate paddy who has got a broken leg, paddy asks murphy to nip up stairs to get his slippers because his feet are freezing, when murphy gets upstairs he sees paddys two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their bed, "hello girls, your dad sent me up here to shag both o...
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chucky
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0
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227
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The perfume counter.
(Preview)
2 girls pick up a perfume sample from the perfume counter in Boots.
Sharon sprays it onher and wrist. "That's nice innit, don't you think Trace?" she says.
"Yeah, wot's it called? 'vien a moi' wot the fcuk does that mean Shal?"
The assistant pipes up "It' French and &n...
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Fi
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0
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162
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Asylum seeker
(Preview)
Asylum seeker at the side of the road eating grass, car stops and the driver say's "don't eat that, come home with me", asylum seeker say's i have 4 wives and 12 children, can they come to?" driver say's "**** off, it's only a small lawn!"
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chucky
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0
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262
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Mad Mary
(Preview)
Mad Mary was speeding around the hospital in her wheelchair as usual when mad Joe stopped her and asked her for her licence "****" she said and sped off around another corner where mad Jim stopped her and asked her for her insurance documents, "****" she said and took off again at great speed, rou...
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chucky
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1
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281
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The Thai girlfriend
(Preview)
This one came from Jo , enjoy!
After great sex, my Thai girlfriend lies stroking my willie. I ask "Do you want more sex?" "No" she replies "I'm just admiring your penis................. I really miss mine"
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Fi
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0
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237
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A little game
(Preview)
Any one for a game of hangman?
I'll start with an easy one
S DD M H SS IN
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Mitch
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0
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213
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Especially for Shrek and many others....
(Preview)
Today is International Disadvantaged Peoples day, please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows.interfere with farm animals or occasionary sh1t yourself, you hang in there sunshine, your flipping special.
:giggl...
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Sniper
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0
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226
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A few little jokes!
(Preview)
So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand." You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze...
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Fi
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0
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184
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zoo
(Preview)
Zookeeper say's "paddy, the gorilla is on heat and i need someone to have sex with her, will you shag her for £500?" paddy replies, "i will on 3 conditions, 1. i don't kiss her 2. my family dont ever get to know and 3. give me 2 weeks to get the cash together!"
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chucky
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3
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267
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talking dog
(Preview)
scientists in the usa have taught a poodle to speak and the first words it said was
"don't you ever cut my f**king hair like that again!!!!!!!!"
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Shrek
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0
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240
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new christmas crackers
(Preview)
the latest crackers are out and made by the taliban.
No toys inside but boy do they make a bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shrek
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0
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175
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Rocket launch
(Preview)
A rocket launches from Houston to Mars with 2 monkey's and a woman on board, Houston calls 1st monkey and say's "adjust oxygen 20 per cent, stop radar, phase to warp factor 3", monkey 1 say's "ok done". Houston to monkey 2 "switch off engine 3, and start radiation shield, adjust anti-gravita...
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chucky
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5
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301
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Clean Joke
(Preview)
Shepherd and sheep dog standing in a field,
Shepherd: "Do me a favour, go and count the sheep"
Dog: "there's 20!"
Shepherd: "thats funny, there were only 17 earlier"
Dog: "Sorry, i rounded them up"
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Mitch
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0
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212
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Tommy Cooperisms
(Preview)
1) You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.
2) I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best before End' 3) I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign i...
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Mr POPular
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0
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304
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