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Little Tony on maths ?
(Preview)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your ...
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cadillacman
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0
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199
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Questions and Answers ?
(Preview)
Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick. Q.Why is divorce so...
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cadillacman
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0
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202
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A 710 Please
(Preview)
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?' She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'...
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Terraplane Toots
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2
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216
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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
(Preview)
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous- Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Form...
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cruisecentral
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0
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186
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STOLEN CAR
(Preview)
Paddy comes running into the pub and says"murphy your cars just been stolen". Murphy says"did you see who took it ??". "No" said paddy "but i got the registration !!".
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tailfin
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1
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227
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Welsh Comeback
(Preview)
Good news in the papers to-day Apparently the Welsh mining industry looks set for a comeback after all these years. They`ve found some copper in Snowdonia !
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Chevy
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0
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173
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"Paddy and Murphy"
(Preview)
Paddy and Murphy decided they need to make a bit of cash on the side by making a donation to a sperm bank in London, But they were both a totally useless pair of idiots Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus. -- Edited by cadillacman at 00:06, 2008-03-12
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cadillacman
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0
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246
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American Girl
(Preview)
A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay. As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" h...
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cadillacman
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0
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169
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Silent treatment
(Preview)
A married couple had a blazing row and hadnt spoken for a couple of days. On the sunday night he realised he needed to be up at 5am for a business flight and needed his wife to wake him up or he'd miss the plane. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence he wrote down on a piece of paper "wake me up at 5...
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stevie
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0
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178
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21st Century nursery rhymes
(Preview)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got di...
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Hollywood
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1
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207
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Watch that tree!
(Preview)
Paddy was driving home pi$$ed as a hat rack, suddenly he had to swerve to avoid hitting a tree, then another and another. a police car pulls him over as he swerves all over the road. Paddy tells the cop all about the tree's in the road, the cop say's "for feck sake Paddy thats your air freshener!"...
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chucky
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0
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210
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Poo!!!
(Preview)
A little girl walks into the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper."Where does poo come from?" she asks.The father, feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a minute and says, "Well, you know we j...
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cadillacman
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5
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328
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English Earthquake !!!
(Preview)
READ TEXT FIRST... before you look at pic With all the news on TV in recent times about mother nature biting back; the hurricanes that America is experiencing, the typhoons in China, flooding in Switzerland and recent mud slides in South America, Tsunami's in Asia, we s...
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cadillacman
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0
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188
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YOU MIGHT BE TALIBAN IF:
(Preview)
You might be a Taliban if............. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. You have more wives than teeth. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You've ev...
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Hollywood
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0
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147
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P*ssed Again
(Preview)
Bob came home from the pub late one Friday evening, absolutely pi**ed, as he often was and creep into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. So he gave her a peck on the cheek and nodded off to sleep.When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of the bed all dressed in white robes.Who the F*...
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cadillacman
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0
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190
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Lost !!!!!!
(Preview)
Five people- four guys and a young woman- were on a plane when it suddenly plunged into the sea. miraculously all five survived the crash but found themselves stranded on a desert island. Since the guys needed to satisfy their natural urges, with the womans agreement they drew up a rota whereby each wo...
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cadillacman
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0
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148
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moving house
(Preview)
just moved i'll send you address later tho! its a rough area Myra Hindley is the avon lady Fred West the gardner Louise Woodward is the babysitter Harold Shipman is my new GP Gary Glitter runs the play group The Mcanns run the holiday club But least there are NO paki's
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ANIMAL
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0
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212
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Birds
(Preview)
Two Birds sitting on a perch,one says to the other "Can you smell Fish ?"
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Hollywood
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0
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185
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Snowmen
(Preview)
Two Snowmen,one says to the other "Can you smell Carrot's ?"
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Hollywood
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0
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215
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Swingers
(Preview)
Two blokes are lying in bed next to each other. One turns to the other and says, I don't reckon much to this wife swapping malarkey, do you?
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cadillacman
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0
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197
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one of the best i've heard in ages!
(Preview)
3 men, an Irish Farmer, Osama Bin Laden & an English man are granted a wish each by a genie. Irish farmer wished all the land in Ireland could be forever fertile. This was done in a flash.Osama was amazed, I want a wall all around all Muslim Countries so no Western infidels can come to our precious land...
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Hollywood
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2
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491
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DAD WHATS A C**T!!
(Preview)
Little boy asks his dad whats the difference between a c**t and a v****a. Mum is asleep on the sofa so dad lifts up her skirt and says"that is a v****a son". Son says"can i touch it dad".No dad replies"you'll wake the c**t up!!".
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tailfin
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0
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181
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I've just broken down in Bridgend
(Preview)
I've just broken down in Bridgend in Wales, and is there any chance you can come tow me home? Bring a rope with you because i cant get one here for love or money!!!!
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cadillacman
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0
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181
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Jeremy Beadle
(Preview)
They've just found Jeremy Beadle's memoirs in his personal belonings,unfortunately no-one has been able to read them as they are all written in shorthand..... (sorry)
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Hollywood
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0
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171
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Riddle
(Preview)
two men are at the opposite side of the world but are thinking the exact same thing, one is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers the other is having a blow job off an 85 year old woman.... What are they both thinking? dont look down, dont look down, dont look down
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chucky
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0
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225
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Antifreeze
(Preview)
Lee Knight, the man who's wife poisoned him with antifreeze, said "i'm now blind and almost deaf and cant walk properly but on the bright side i don't feel the cold anymore!"
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chucky
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0
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236
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Condom tip
(Preview)
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am." She said "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels.", at which po...
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Terraplane Toots
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0
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191
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Plumbers
(Preview)
I arrived home last night to find the plumber with his d*ck up my pet dogs arse, I was absolutely discussed so I called the police, but there was nothing they could do because, He was corgi registered!!!
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cadillacman
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0
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200
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British Worksite
(Preview)
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Terraplane Toots
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1
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215
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paddy
(Preview)
irish girl goes to the doctors and asks for the pill, doctor says your allready 6 months. she says i know but paddys found another hole and i dont want a lump on me back as well.
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dell
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0
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212
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