The Agenda for Change VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES Company Policy: Effective from January 2008 Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes or carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a Doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work. Annual Leave Days Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave Days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Bereavement Leave There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in their picture will be sanctioned under the companys mental health policy. Lunch Break Skinny people get thirty minutes to eat their lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal sized people get fifteen minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get five minutes for lunch because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hear to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, complaints, concerns, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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