WHAT A WIFE SAYS...AND MEANS
The wife says: We needThe wife means: I want
The wife says: It's your decisionThe wife means: The correct decision should be obvious
The wife says: Do what you wantThe wife means: You'll pay for this later
The wife says: We need to talkThe wife means: I need to complain
The wife says: Sure... go aheadThe wife means: I don't want you to
The wife says: I'n not upsetThe wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron
The wife says: You're ... so manlyThe wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot
The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lightsThe wife means: I have flabby thighs.
The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenientThe wife means: I want a new house.
The wife says: I want new curtains.The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!
The wife says: I need wedding shoes.The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The wife says: Hang the picture thereThe wife means: No, I mean hang it there!
The wife says: I heard a noiseThe wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.
The wife says: Do you love me?The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.
The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: Am I fat?The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Are you listening to me?The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]
The wife says: YesThe wife means: No
The wife says: NoThe wife means: No
The wife says: MaybeThe wife means: No
The wife says: I'm sorryThe wife means: You'll be sorry
The wife says: Do you like this recipe?The wife means: You better get used to it
The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dishThe wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Was that the baby?The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him
The wife says: I'm not yelling!The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing.The wife means: Nothing.
The wife says: Nothing.The wife means: Everything.
The wife says: Nothing, really.The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.
The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
SOMEDAY SON ALL THIS WILL BE MINE!!
