|
|
Indian meal
(Preview)
I was having an Indian meal the other night and the waiter came over and said "curry ok?" i said "go on then, just one song then pis$ off!"
|
chucky
|
0
|
225
|
|
|
|
|
|
cats eyes
(Preview)
Did you know the guy who invented cats eyes got the idea from a cats eyes reflecting in the dark.They say that if the cat had been walking away he would have invented the pencil sharpner......
|
tailfin
|
0
|
228
|
|
|
|
|
|
cats eyes
(Preview)
how many cats eyes in a measured mile. answer. twice as many as there are arseholes.
|
dell
|
0
|
210
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Joiner
(Preview)
Joiner on a 3rd floor of a building site forgot to bring his saw up with him. Shout down, but his co-worker can't hear him. Points to eye (I), then his knee (need) and moves his hand back and forth in a sawing motion. Mate nods, pulls down his pants and starts to wank. The furious joiner runs down the stair...
|
Fi
|
0
|
239
|
|
|
|
|
|
Two Blokes in a pub
(Preview)
Bloke 1: "What did you get for your birthday then??" Bloke 2: "Ohhh....just a sweater" Bloke 1: "Just a sweater? That's not so bad is it?" Bloke 2: "Yeah it is. I wanted a moaner or a screamer"
|
BrianDamaged
|
0
|
235
|
|
|
|
|
|
fuel can
(Preview)
The price of a can of petrol £4.50 the price of a couple of full butane bottles £30.00 the price of a second hand jeep £2500.00 watching two idiot terrorists almost burn to death and then get arrested. "PRICELESS"
|
xtroortx
|
1
|
374
|
|
|
|
|
|
when pussys go bad
(Preview)
meeeow and no dirty comments i know what you were exspecting.
|
xtroortx
|
0
|
239
|
|
|
|
|
|
smoking
(Preview)
they have only just started the "smoking ban" and already they caught two idiots smoking in glasgow airport !
|
xtroortx
|
2
|
308
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sucker
(Preview)
After years of milking his cow's with the traditional stool and squirt method, farmer Giles decides to order a high tech milking machine, the equipment arrives a few days later and, as his wife is going out for the afternoon he decides to test the machine on himself. After setting the machine up he quic...
|
chucky
|
3
|
273
|
|
|
|
|
|
Armless
(Preview)
Did you hear about the man with no arms who entered a w@nking competition? He didnt come anywhere!
|
chucky
|
2
|
306
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to hell!
(Preview)
A man dies and ends up in hell, as he's wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with the devil, "why so glum?" asks the devil, "why do you think? i'm in hell!" says the man, "hell's not all bad" says the devil , "we actually have some fun down here, do you like a d...
|
chucky
|
0
|
209
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry Ladies ....
(Preview)
But this made me chuckle .... A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen ... ''Careful'' he said ''CAREFUL! put in some more oil, Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once, TOO MANY! Turn them, turn them NOW! We need more oil, Oh my God , where ar...
|
Terraplane Toots
|
2
|
267
|
|
|
|
|
|
Race horse
(Preview)
I just bought myself a racehorse, i'm gonna call it 'my face', just imagine it heading down the home straight and all the ladies shouting "come on my face"
|
chucky
|
0
|
220
|
|
|
|
|
|
Harry Potter
(Preview)
Harry Potter stories are so far fetched, i mean i can buy the fact that magic exists and maybe even unicorns but have you ever seen a ginger kid with 2 mates?
|
chucky
|
0
|
270
|
|
|
|
|
|
Michael Barrymore
(Preview)
Michael Barrymore was asked if was doing panto this year, he said "not so fcuking likely, i did alladin 6 years ago and still hav'nt heard the end of it!!"
|
chucky
|
0
|
229
|
|
|
|
|
|
hahaha
(Preview)
why is a washing machine sarcastic ????? cos it takes the piss out of your knickers.....
|
mrs pop
|
1
|
260
|
|
|
|
|
|
No smoking
(Preview)
As britain tightens its smoking laws, Micheal Barrymore has found out that chucking fags in the pool is now classed as murder.....
|
stevie
|
0
|
177
|
|
|
|
|
|
Question..
(Preview)
You are in a car driving at a constant speed, to your left is a fire engine, in front is a galloping pig you cant overtake, behind is a helicopter flying at ground level. All are travelling at the same speed as you, what do you do to get out of this dangerous situation? Get off the kids merry go round you drunk...
|
chucky
|
0
|
215
|
|
|
|
|
|
Banned from the pool!
(Preview)
I went swimming this afternoon, managed to get chucked out and banned for wearing Speedo trunks!! How was I to know the 'S' had fallen off??
|
BrianDamaged
|
0
|
224
|
|
|
|
|
|
KKK
(Preview)
100 years ago 20 white men casing a black man was called the klu klux klan now its called Formula 1
|
digger
|
0
|
262
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fridge
(Preview)
I prefer the fridge to my wifes fanny. It doesnt fart when i pull the meat out.
|
stevie
|
0
|
263
|
|
|
|
|
|
best engine
(Preview)
the best engine in the world is the fanny. it take's any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with one finger and every 4 weeks does its own oil change.
|
dell
|
0
|
208
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tights
(Preview)
How do you know if a woman is wearing tights? Her ankles swell up when she farts.
|
stevie
|
0
|
247
|
|
|
|
|
|
Trading places
(Preview)
A man asks his wife if she would like to try swapping positions that night, "great idea " she replies, "you stand in the corner doing the ironing while i sit on the sofa farting all night!"
|
chucky
|
0
|
236
|
|
|
|
|
|
chemist gets ****y
(Preview)
Jose Mourinho walks into a chemist with Alex Ferguson, "the big fella and i want some of that European strength viagra we've been hearing so much about" say's the not so special one, "i've been expecting you" replies the chemist, "i've heard neither of you can get past a se...
|
chucky
|
0
|
270
|
|
|
|
|
|
minger gets models
(Preview)
One night, while serving behind his bar a landlord notices a hideous looking bloke at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him, finally the landlords curiosity gets the better of him and he walks down to where the ugly man is sitting. The landlord say's " please dont get offended whe...
|
chucky
|
0
|
476
|
|
|
|
|
|
petrol
(Preview)
THIS will put a smile on your face.. J J A man was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"? "I'm out of petrol." The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the ma...
|
evilged
|
0
|
229
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary ellen
(Preview)
man sitting reading the paper when his wife hit him across the head,he said whats that for, she said i've found a peice of paper in your pocket with mary ellen on it. quick as a flash he said that was a name of a horse from the races last week which she accepted. a week later she hits him over the head with a fryi...
|
dell
|
1
|
268
|
|
|
|
|
|
restaurant
(Preview)
a couple go to a posh seafood restaurant where you pick the fish you want to eat and they catch it and cook it. they decide on an exotic green squid with, what appears to be a moustache. the waiter forces back a yelp of horror and calls for gervais the chef to catch and kill the squid. gervais cries unstoppab...
|
evilged
|
0
|
223
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rednecks got to town
(Preview)
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time. The father and son are in the hotel lobby when they spot an elevator. "What's that Paw?" The boy asked. "I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father. Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the h...
|
Terraplane Toots
|
0
|
198
|
|
|
